Ben prefers “Ben, Devourer of Infants” but you know, life sometimes can be terribly unfair.
How was your weekend? Don’t answer that, I already know the answer “devastatingly dull, compared to yours!” Right you are sir, right you are. Do you know how long it took to pick out that bulletin board? I went to eight different stores, six of which I forgot I was banned from. I even went to “Bills, Boards, and Beyond,” one of my favorites.
When I asked what was being kept in the “Beyond” section nowadays, the clerk stopped dead in his tracks, and dropped a Bill to the floor who let out a small yelp. The clerk slowly turned away from me until he was facing a corner, and brought his arms across his chest. After several minutes of this assumed stance, Bill had escaped back into the world, and the clerk barely managed to murmur “we… we don’t stock anything there anymore. Our manager went there to do inventory a month ago and… we haven’t seen him since… I… the other employees are mostly dead. Killing each other, vying to fill the power vacuum. We’re running out of boards. So many Bills have escaped. I can’t even go home to face my family anymore I-” but this is where I had tuned out, for I had seen the chosen board that you see in the comic before you. I strode away from the rather unhelpful clerk, took board into my arms and cradled it as I took it up to the check out. The guy behind the counter was bleeding rather profusely so I opted to ring it up myself, can’t risk getting blood all over my chosen board. It was a productive shopping stop. Place really has changed since I visited it last month. The guy who helped me back then was really great.
Calling me the Baby-Eater is grossly offensive. I demand you change it to “Devourer of Infants” at once. You obviously know my preference on the matter since you published it in the blog.
Listen, I can’t help what the media in Hell call you, man. My favors and blowjobs only go so far.