Kaens portrait

This one woke up one day at the desk of a patron of ill-repute. To avoid having to move in with someone named “J-Reezy,” he took up an offer he thought he was prepared for. He returned home with new responsibilities, with older responsibilities still clinging to him like ticks. He probably does something dubious as a means of income, like stock trading or web-cam prostitution.



Doombunny portraitDOOMBUNNY
This one is not a natural being. His master sent him to Earth for probably very malicious reasons. Imbued with infernal powers, he likely constitutes a threat to peace and happiness everywhere. He has been provided a base of operations and unwitting tools of his dark machinations.



Phaetor PortraitPHAETOR
This one is always attempting new and dangerous recipes that outright dances across the line of legality. He considers himself the greatest culinary genius in the entire solar system, and many (but not all) (confirmed uninhabited) exoplanets. This opinion is disputed, sometimes violently, by animal conservationists, doctors, and stomachs across the world.



Neighbor PortraitTHE NEIGHBOR






Bennywise portraitBENNYWISE 
Voted “Most Honest Businessman” for three consecutive issues of Legitimate Business magazine, a publication that ran from July of 2006 to September of 2006. An entrepreneur of the highest professional pedigree, Bennywise sees opportunity wherever he goes. Kaens knows him, just ask! So you can totally trust him.



Malice PortraitMAYOR MALICE
The benevolent civic leader of Coma Valley, who came into office during the Ghoulie Epidemic twelve years ago. She has been re-elected every term since. So overcome with love for their mayor, candidates who run against her always withdraw from the race, sometimes within hours. She oversees the well-being of her town with efficiency unseen in more “lazy” administrations. Her justice is swift, her vision is pure. Long may she govern.


Rhrgrt PortraitRHRGRT
He works at GORGE, the local 24-hour diner of Coma Valley. Apparently restrained there. It’s not clear why. He knows whether or not you’re verbally spelling his name correctly. The goggles are either for his protection, or yours.